Being judged as a mum!!!!

Ever get the feeling that your being judged by other people, not just as a mother as worker, as a sister, as a duaghter, as a partner?

I do all the time and it doesn’t help when I hear my own family bitching about another member of the family, I am always on edge that I am being judged as a mother even by them, wether or not am a good trusted family member. I am one of those people who try to please and far too often end up being the one who can get hurt.

I find the worst judgement I feel I will ever get is being a mum I want to be the best that I can be. I feel not only do i get judged by outsiders but by family and friends too and the biggest one being my nan and boy does she show it. I had people telling me how and when John should be put on solid food, people in my family which is the worst because I felt pressurised, I was being told to start him at 3 weeks old which was ridiculous and my nan making me feel guilty for being on anti-biotics saying its why he was sleeping so often so I should stop them and just breastfeed him. I did stop them it didn’t stop him sleeping I knew it wouldn’t but wanted to prove a point he was a new born baby for goodness sake but due to stopping them the infection in my womb worsened and I was losing too much blood which meant I had to stop breastfeeding and be put on three different doses of strong antibiotics, all after 2 weeks. I was upset felt like I had failed as a mother before I had even truly begun. I cried a lot and felt angry, I just wanted to enjoy my baby boy after my traumatic birth but I couldn’t and I will never forgive her for this. There is a lot more to this and most of my post here will explain this. I don’t know why I let her treat me the way she does. I didn’t listen to anyone about the solid foods, I decided he would give me the indication he was ready and I believe he did as I started him halfway through his 4th month giving him rice once a day and introduced others at 6months. I also had my nan telling me I should potty train him at 12months which was ridiculous, I mean ok I potty trained him at 22months on my own terms and still she put me down for this saying I was doing it wrong and that he Gould be standing up. He is a learning child and the last thing I want to do is confuse him. This woman makes me feel so bad at times, yet I do my best to please her and I never argue with her.

As a mother I feel like people are judging me all the time and feel like their is competition out there,we shouldn’t feel like this but the worst ever judgement is from family especially when they make it known. It makes me so angry, yes, I know
I should say something to her but I love her even though she treats me like dirt, yet she is making me hate her so much all at the same time. I don’t want to fall out with her but I do feel this is going to happen eventually.

I am very thankful for my fiancé, he has been my rock, he supports me and always says how good I am and he too is angry for the way she treats me but he also won’t say anything as he knows she can be nasty and say things to me when she has me on my own. We are both looking to move house but not just to get away from the area, the big reason and main reason over all was to get away from her, especially since she only lives over the road.

My nan also undermines me at every turn she will ask, in fact, no tell me to bring John over to show off to friends,so I will and usually it’s around 4, bare in mind his tea time is 5 and she feeds him on maltesers, biscuits crisps what ever it is he wants she gives despite me saying ‘no’ and the cooked food goes to waste. I have now started making excuses but really I should tell her a firm ‘No’ why am I so scared. I just don’t know. Her excuse and stupid excuse that is, she doesn’t want him to think she won’t give him anything. Is it just me is is that ridiculous?

There is more to it but I will leave it at that for now. Are there other parents, mums or dads out there who too feel they are judged, not just by outsiders, by friends or even family?

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11 Comments »

  1. jenny Paulin Said:

    omg your nan sounds awful. i am gobsmacked that a nan can be like that if i am honest. i sounds like you had a terrible time post birth and she should have been supporting you and not upsetting you and telling you how you should raise your child. maybe you don’t need her in your life if she makes you feel this way. can’t your mum or dad tell her to back off? she just sounds ilk a nightmare.
    you are his mummy and you are doing a great job and YOU know him best – YOU!!! xxx

    • Yeh her latest is that am not potty training him properly, he is 22 months old and in my opinion u train them firstly sitting down and he is too young to have that co-ordination to stand up and aim his wee. If I was doing it wrong, I don’t think he would have done as well as he has done and he has made me prud. So I guess I have to give myself some credit lol. Thannks for your lovely repoly as it’s nice to know and have someone acknowledge me as a good mum 🙂 xxxx

      • jenny Paulin Said:

        she is just old fashion and i am not showing Burton to stand up yet – plenty of time for that (and all the dribbles which go with it). you are doing it right x

      • True I do have plenty of time after all he isn’t even 2 yet xxxx

  2. Oh what a dragon (sorry that was a little out of line) – then again! 😮

    Just what you needed , I’m sure, when you were feeling like everyone was judging you – a judgemental member of your own family to up the game.

    Well you know what, you are giving yourself a hard time too! You are probably an amazing Mum – one thing is for sure, the fact you worry what other think means you are definitely wanting to do ‘all the right things’.

    No-one knows your child like ‘you’. It’s fabulous you have your partners support – that makes it all so much easier and the hard days worthwhile.

    Let them give advice – but trust your own instincts – it’s you with the ultimate responsibility and it’s you who will make all the best choices for your child.

    Don’t know if you know of any in your area – but NCT have some great ladies to scoff biscuits with over a cup of coffee. http://www.nce.org.uk – you might have a branch nearby.

    • Awww thanks I appreciate that, I will have a look at that link later after work thanks for that hun xxxx

  3. Sarah P Said:

    I think feeling judged very much comes with the territory of being a mum. You have to be so many roles to so many people that it sometimes feels impossible to be great at any of them. I’ve found that I’m harder on myself than anyone.

    Ultimately though, you are the one in charge and you alone will be the best decision-maker for your child. As the old saying goes…’Mother knows best’, and this really is so true. Take other peoples advice on board, but at the end of the day, it’s your intuition that will make the right choices with the day to day dilemmas of raising a baby.

    You do need to be firm with your Nan. Having had to do it myself once or twice in the past few years, it will make you feel a whole lot better regardless of whether she agrees with you or not. Xxx

  4. Dan Said:

    I hope you don’t me commenting as a dad, but it sounds like you still care about your Nan, perhaps in the same way she cares about you.

    I can identify with Sarah P comments, and sounds like good advice. It’s been some time since the post, so I hope things have improved with your Nan and the family. 🙂

    • Hi of course I don’t mind and things have not changed with my ban she is constantly accusing us of things and hates us outing h
      In nursery and things saying I should be home etc but unfortunately this day and age it just isn’t possible and much more because of the nastiness with her she has lost alot of friends she isn’t the kid of person u really want to be friends with. Yes, I do care about her alot she is my nan but I hate the person she is but she loves my son and he loves her, I won’t stop him seeing her but I am havin to limit the time we are there as its just too much tension on my part she doesn’t think she is doing anything wrong. Thanks for your comment, I haven’t blogged as I was gonna start on blogger but been trying to sort that out past few months or so but have now given up and returning to this!

    • Hi thanks I haven’t been on here for long, my nan doesn’t have many friends isn’t trustworthy and not alot of people like her. She hasn’t changed one bit so I don’t like seeing her often. Thank for your comment and I don’t mind at all thanks


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